Tired of talking. Tired of walking.

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Perhaps I simply don't like people. I don't really know. I like them in theory.

But I find myself not wanting to call anyone... not having anyone to call... and dwelling in my loneliness.

This isn't self-pity. I can always pick up the phone. I know that.

But... I don't.

I care about people. I care. I'm there. I'm here. Do you need me? Here I am.

But I don't call.

I pull the covers up.

And I'm fucking lonely, man.

Loneliness is not something I share. Sorry. And it's boring as hell to hear you talk about it. It's boring as hell to talk about it. It's boring as hell to talk about the human condition.

I'm just tired of talking.

We all know what's there. And hey, if you don't.. then do I really want to talk to you?

I'm tired of talking. I'm tired of hearing.

The same old thing.

It's always the same old thing. Or then some other. Always the same old thing. How excruciatingly boring!

I don't get off on repeating the same old insights with someone new. I don't get off on regurgitation. I don't get off on impressing someone new with my fabulous insight. It's not fabulous. It just is. Why should you be impressed. I know, you're not. And I'm not off. Not on.

I can listen to you. I can listen. I can pretend to be impressed. I'm not impressed. I'm not even engaged. I don't feel some deep connection over a shared conclusion, a shared delusion. I feel nothing. Tired of talking. Tired of walking.

Just goes to show you...

Maybe it's my new singledom, or sheer boredom, but I have been watching more bad television and getting up to date on the lastest celebrity gossip. I've never cared about this shit before.

Actually, I'm not sure that I do now, but I'm finding it vaguely amusing.

More of that later. Let me get to the point.

I've recently seen a few bits and pieces of "Beauty and the Geek." I'm sure this can't be a positive thing in my life; but alas, it just is.

So... tonight I turn the channel and there are about ten guys painting a naked woman while she rattles on about herself. I'm not sure if it was "Beauty and the Geek" or some other similar type of show (I'm not quite that savvy yet), but here's what happened:

The guys finished their paintings, expecting to be judged on their artistic (or not-so-artistic) renditions. But... as always... the judges threw a twist into the mix. "Remember how I told you that you have to listen to women." They were being judged on how well they listened to the rambling model. Let the games begin.

It took two questions to determine the winner.

1. What was her name.

Four of the ten answered it correctly.

2. What movie was she up watching last night. (This was all she spoke about.)

Only one.

The rest of the men had done everything they could to tune her out. And of course, there was the added distraction of her titties...

These men aren't geeks at all. They're just men... not hoping to get laid.

A friend of mine (probably an ex) once told me that a man only listens to a women when he stands something to gain.

I always hope that anyone talking to me might have something to gain.

...if only a bit of good conversation...