http://www.flickr.com/photos/juventina_s/53319652/in/set-1221524/Perhaps I simply don't like people. I don't really know. I like them in theory.
But I find myself not wanting to call anyone... not having anyone to call... and dwelling in my loneliness.
This isn't self-pity. I can always pick up the phone. I know that.
But... I don't.
I care about people. I care. I'm there. I'm here. Do you need me? Here I am.
But I don't call.
I pull the covers up.
And I'm fucking lonely, man.
Loneliness is not something I share. Sorry. And it's boring as hell to hear you talk about it. It's boring as hell to talk about it. It's boring as hell to talk about the human condition.
I'm just tired of talking.
We all know what's there. And hey, if you don't.. then do I really want to talk to you?
I'm tired of talking. I'm tired of hearing.
The same old thing.
It's always the same old thing. Or then some other. Always the same old thing. How excruciatingly boring!
I don't get off on repeating the same old insights with someone new. I don't get off on regurgitation. I don't get off on impressing someone new with my fabulous insight. It's not fabulous. It just is. Why should you be impressed. I know, you're not. And I'm not off. Not on.
I can listen to you. I can listen. I can pretend to be impressed. I'm not impressed. I'm not even engaged. I don't feel some deep connection over a shared conclusion, a shared delusion. I feel nothing. Tired of talking. Tired of walking.
But I find myself not wanting to call anyone... not having anyone to call... and dwelling in my loneliness.
This isn't self-pity. I can always pick up the phone. I know that.
But... I don't.
I care about people. I care. I'm there. I'm here. Do you need me? Here I am.
But I don't call.
I pull the covers up.
And I'm fucking lonely, man.
Loneliness is not something I share. Sorry. And it's boring as hell to hear you talk about it. It's boring as hell to talk about it. It's boring as hell to talk about the human condition.
I'm just tired of talking.
We all know what's there. And hey, if you don't.. then do I really want to talk to you?
I'm tired of talking. I'm tired of hearing.
The same old thing.
It's always the same old thing. Or then some other. Always the same old thing. How excruciatingly boring!
I don't get off on repeating the same old insights with someone new. I don't get off on regurgitation. I don't get off on impressing someone new with my fabulous insight. It's not fabulous. It just is. Why should you be impressed. I know, you're not. And I'm not off. Not on.
I can listen to you. I can listen. I can pretend to be impressed. I'm not impressed. I'm not even engaged. I don't feel some deep connection over a shared conclusion, a shared delusion. I feel nothing. Tired of talking. Tired of walking.
4 comments:
I hear you... same old, same old... just like "chicken or pasta?"... but then... once in a long while... something new and interesting pops up... and almost makes it worth it to open up...
1. Average people aren't likable... except by other average people.
2. You don't want to call because you don't care. There's nothing wrong with that.
3. It wouldn't be loneliness if you could share it. That's what loneliness is for... Grounding... Understanding what's really going on.
4. Kings care about peasants... but they don't call them.
5. It will always be "the same old thing" as long as you keep talking to people who know the same things you do... or less.
Serve. Don't give THINGS to others, serve them. Choose those who really need your service, and do it. You'll be different (maybe not exactly better, but different, and it will probably be better than what your describe here). I promise.
And oh- don't worry about liking them, serve them anyway.
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