Quality of Life

I'm trying to befriend my body again. We had a little falling out some years ago, and I've come to realize the mutual benefit of our being allies. Ours wasn't a definitive rupture; we simply slipped apart. One small betrayal after another piled on and spiraled into an all-out war.

Mind: Why should I suffer a respiratory illness when I quit smoking? That's just wrong. I might as well have a cigarette.

Body: Why would she burn all my cilia off when I just grew them back? Why would she feed me nicotine when I've just suffered through withdrawal? I might as well shut down.

I know. Most things aren't so simple. And you can't expect immediate results. I know. I know. But time and time again I've felt betrayed.

You know what I mean. It's the seemingly faulty logic. It's the irony. What are we up against? Most of us are overly concerned about losing weight. How do we do this? Eating less. Eating healthier. Doing exercise. In order to lose weight, you need to exercise. We all know that. But exercise makes you hungry. Of course, it does. And you need the food to burn for energy, so... how the heck are you supposed to lose weight. I know. I know. It's all about balance. But, must it be so hard? It hardly seems fair.

My body and I are not friends. We have not treated each other well. We are trying to change that. But change is never easy. And I've never been comfortable spending too much energy on myself. Perhaps that's part of the problem. Perhaps my mind and I are not friends either. But then who am I if not my mind and body -- and why so much self-hatred?

I have come to realize that the only way we can make it through this world -- my body and I -- is as allies. The grace period is up, and though we may have taken each other for granted all these years, we can no longer afford to do so.

Call it quality of life.