Rendered

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ko_an/40158837/

It’s 4:00 a.m., and I’ve just called; but you did not respond. What have I done? What should I have? You could have made me beg you to stay. It isn’t hard. It isn’t hard to just not go. Is this not what you want? Of course it's so. Assess.

And so another day goes by. I have not cried my love. We have not talked. I do not know the tide. And perhaps, perhaps neither do you. Perhaps you do. And yet I want you touching me.

This isn’t me.
This is not the way I do things. This is not the way I act. I spend a lot of my time wondering whether I’m simply asking for too much, but I refuse to believe it. I just refuse to believe it. I have to. You’re simply not ready for me. That’s the bottom line.

And perhaps you never will be – not for me. But perhaps you will.

And if you ever fully understand what I am speaking of, if my words ever simply falls into place, allowing a mere trace of me to shed its light, then you will... and you will find me. This, of course, only reveals its weight if you already understand. Catch 23. Yes, 23. 24.

This is the time to be mature, to give a little in the way of …

... I’m creating a situation whereby I am automatically thinning out the experience, diluting it in a practical sense in order to concentrate the literal effect. Allow me to explain. I am slitting everything in two: reality and fiction, (Non-fiction and creative non-fiction? Not quite, perhaps.), what I live and what I write, the real and the imagined, what I live and what I live through my writing. I write it. I write it first, because I have the time to write it first, because the time necessitates the writing, because I must live you somehow, I must live you anyhow. I write it. I write it and I imagine it and I create it and I live it. I have lived it. I no longer need to. I am silent. I am no longer affected.

It has passed.

So Every time I stumble upon something provocative, I have tired of it by the time it demands a response. You kill everything by trying to explain it, by trying to distinguish right from wrong.

Conversation. I question why this reinforces, when in reality I expect it to highlight the lack of contribution and understanding, when in reality I expect the focus to shift to him.