What the hell is up with people, man?

Halloween? Hallow-fuckin-ween? Really? You want to do that shit? Fine. Let's have it. Show me what you've got. Let's go out for the full-on battle of creavity — only to be defeated by ourselves before we even get a chance to flaunt our complete and utter assishness in front of the world. Yes! Sounds fuckin' great to me. Let's go.

I haven't done the whole halloween thing in at least.. let's see.. I can't even fucking remember. The last time I remember I dressed up as a bat in high school when I was a punk-ass mother fucker (with straight A's) trying to take flight against the world. No, if I recall correctly, I fell prey again once after. It must have been my first year of college... no.. perhaps last year of high school (I thought I was pretty fucking old. It's hard to tell the difference.) when, in a last-moment bout of desperation, I ever-so-ironically went as my boyfriend's shadow. [Am I still playing that part today? Perhaps I found it comforting. Oh, wait. I no longer have a boyfriend. Whose shadow am I now?]

Anyhow.. it's been a long time. (Longer than I care to admit even.)

So.. I took it on. How long can you sit around being bitter and cynical about everything, mocking it from afar? In the end, you begin to feel that maybe people are right when they assume you're too pathetic to partake, so you just sit around and bitch about it. Ok. So, I partook.

And you know what? I hated it!

Sorry, man. I know it sucks. I suck. I'm an asshole. A bitch. A cunt. A whore.

...whatever...

It's how I feel. [So, if you've ever dated me, shut off right now... just shut off. Don't listen. No matter what you do, don't listen. I'm telling you how I feel, damn it!]

What the fuck is wrong with the world? That's all I can say. That's all I can ask. What the fuck is wrong with the world?

I wonder — sometimes — what the fuck is wrong with ME. I wonder. I wonder about that. What the fuck is wrong with ME? But.. not tonight. Not tonight.

Tonight I am secure.. secure in my beliefs... secure in my sense of self... secure in my sense of the world.. secure that I am right to question — all the time — what the fuck is wrong with the world. Secure that it is not me.

I love my friends. They are beautiful. They are lovely. They are sweet. They are many wonderful things. I do not care to bash them. I do not. Really!

But I do not understand. I do not understand the whores, the hookers, the french maids, the school girls, the cheerleaders, the sluts, the sexy devils, the scantily-clad, blood-sucking (and so much more) vampires, the dominatrices, the harem girls, the belly dancers, the harlots. I do not understand.

One girl dressed as a baby. I thought she should win the prize (if there really were a prize to be won). Not because she managed to squeeze about a third of her ass into a real pair of diapers and actually make them look like a thong. Not because she managed to squeeze the top third of her torso into a real baby's undie, with her tits popping out from beneath. Not even because she sucked so well on a bottle full of vodka all night long. No. None of those things. It was because she managed to drink herself into such a stupor that she certainly could not walk. Yes, people had to carry her. The jibberish spewing out of her mouth was much like that of a two year old. And by the end of the night, I'm pretty sure she was spitting up on everyone. Hell, I'm pretty sure the guy whom I saw carrying her off was about to change her diapers.

I went as mercury. I covered myself in tinfoil and went as mercury. I lay down in a pool on the ground and caused brain damage. At least I had that excuse. At least. [Come to think of it... my powers were strong. They were certainly acting like they were incurring some serious brain damage. Hmmm...]

People think I'm weird. They snicker when I walk by, like they're stuck in high school. I do not understand.

At least I did it, right? Fuck! At least I did it. What did you do? Oh, yeah... you got laid, right. You got laid.

I'm home alone now... blogging. You got laid.

Good night, little world. Good night. I love you. Now go get laid.